So, I get at least one question a week that I consider to be pants-on-head retarded. This isn't unusual, because my dumb ass went into a highly specialized field where 90+% of the population is only vaguely familiar with the rudiments of the equipment used to DO my job, much less actually perform any tasks related to the field.
I try to be understanding about this. I really do.
And the universe rewards me with email like this:
"I have your link on our site (_________________/resources.html). There is no scroll bar on the right to access more info. How do I get that?"
I decide to break this down.
1) yes. They do a have a link to our site on that page.
2) I'm not sure what the fuck he's talking about for the rest of it. There IS a scroll bar on the right, due to the page being rather long, and having a lot of information on it.
So. As far as I can tell, he's asking for something . . . that's already there? Not to put too fine a point on this, but I don't work for his place of business, so whatever happens on his site is not really a concern of mine. Forging ahead, because I am a fucking idiot, I send him a reply asking for some clarification. Which nets me this reply:
"If a page has more information on it than can be shown on the screen, there is no arrow on the right hand side to allow to move down the page to see more info."
Uh. Ok then. I'm not editing these to be a cocksucker, these are two separate email messages in their entirety, from someone with english as their primary language.
Fuck it, I'm done here in a couple days. I'm ignoring anything else this guy sends me.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
The Checklist
i will do all of these things. having a bucket list is for chumps.
currently accomplished:
3.) Drink a fifth of hard liquor, by yourself, in one day.
4.) Dance like a fool in front of a large hooting crowd.
8.) Embark on an impromptu road trip.
10.) Extravagantly overtip a bartender.
11.) Walk up to an attractive stranger way out of your league and buy him or her a drink.
12.) Conspire an afterhours at your favorite bar.
16.) Get drunk with your father.
17.) Fight a good fight.
18.) Visit the source of your favorite beer, wine or liquor.
- hell, i moved there.
19.) Drunkenly watch the sun come up with your best boozing buddies and a bottle.
21.) Hit a dozen bars in one night.
22.) Try at least one hundred different drinks.
24.) Juice on the job.
26.) Give a hobo twenty bucks.
30.) Go on a fishing trip with your pals.
31.) Eat the worm.
33.) Steal some booze.
36.) Experience absinthe.
currently accomplished:
3.) Drink a fifth of hard liquor, by yourself, in one day.
4.) Dance like a fool in front of a large hooting crowd.
8.) Embark on an impromptu road trip.
10.) Extravagantly overtip a bartender.
11.) Walk up to an attractive stranger way out of your league and buy him or her a drink.
12.) Conspire an afterhours at your favorite bar.
16.) Get drunk with your father.
17.) Fight a good fight.
18.) Visit the source of your favorite beer, wine or liquor.
- hell, i moved there.
19.) Drunkenly watch the sun come up with your best boozing buddies and a bottle.
21.) Hit a dozen bars in one night.
22.) Try at least one hundred different drinks.
24.) Juice on the job.
26.) Give a hobo twenty bucks.
30.) Go on a fishing trip with your pals.
31.) Eat the worm.
33.) Steal some booze.
36.) Experience absinthe.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
texts from last night
my phone edition. with commentary.
"wshoto2!"
no, i have no fucking idea what that was supposed to be either.
"i'm already drinks."
yes. yes you are.
"stop texting me if you're going to be an asshole."
hahahahhahahhahhahaa!
no.
"ha ha fuck the kids"
seriously. fuck those little motherfuckers.
"a couple girls from ______ say hi. i'm drunk and forgot the0r names again."
those were deep and meaningful relationships you bastards.
"i'm too opera to drinks on the porch"
i . . . shit. i don't even know if you can disagree with this.
also, drinking good beers with one of the whitest people i know, who happens to be a successful gun dealer while watching sheltered suburban frat boys head bang to a gangsta rap song espousing the merits of guns, money and booze? meta-hilarious.
"wshoto2!"
no, i have no fucking idea what that was supposed to be either.
"i'm already drinks."
yes. yes you are.
"stop texting me if you're going to be an asshole."
hahahahhahahhahhahaa!
no.
"ha ha fuck the kids"
seriously. fuck those little motherfuckers.
"a couple girls from ______ say hi. i'm drunk and forgot the0r names again."
those were deep and meaningful relationships you bastards.
"i'm too opera to drinks on the porch"
i . . . shit. i don't even know if you can disagree with this.
also, drinking good beers with one of the whitest people i know, who happens to be a successful gun dealer while watching sheltered suburban frat boys head bang to a gangsta rap song espousing the merits of guns, money and booze? meta-hilarious.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
re: care, and the wording of wishes
1) after further dicking around with my phone, i have found that i can get and send email with it.
2) a handful of people at larp have been telling me for years that i need to become more active on the email lists since no one knows who the hell i am outside of the midwest.
result? i am now trolling the clan while drinking beverages in a variety of locations.
a somewhat more careful wording of the original wish might have been "be sober, and speak with others in the clan without referring to them as worthless pussies, possibly bringing up various subjects of interest to the clan."
2) a handful of people at larp have been telling me for years that i need to become more active on the email lists since no one knows who the hell i am outside of the midwest.
result? i am now trolling the clan while drinking beverages in a variety of locations.
a somewhat more careful wording of the original wish might have been "be sober, and speak with others in the clan without referring to them as worthless pussies, possibly bringing up various subjects of interest to the clan."
Thursday, October 7, 2010
this would be a kick ass band name
the homosexual steamroller.
never thought i'd be saying this, but thanks jerry falwell! i am going to start a new group on rockband when i get home, and it will be motherfucking FABULOUS.
never thought i'd be saying this, but thanks jerry falwell! i am going to start a new group on rockband when i get home, and it will be motherfucking FABULOUS.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
new show, old comics
i stumbled across this xkcd comic on garfield a while back, and i kinda want a poster of it. hell, even making fun of garfield for being banal merchandise driven tripe is played out by now.
and then today, i saw this. now i'm wondering how many other dark as hell garfield strips are in the early years that i've forgotten about.
on the t.v. side, heroes season 3 is about the most infuriating thing i've watched since 'attack girl's swim team vs. the undead'. i'm willing to accept a certain amount of comicbook logic and the resulting retarded decision making, but the whole thing just feels hastily thrown together with the unwritten assumption that all the characters have suffered massive head injuries. there are only a couple people around who don't immediately take the very obvious WORST FUCKING OPTION in any situation, and the writers have the balls to hang the plot tension on the problems that those same characters created by insisting that they had to do these stupid, stupid things. examples follow, so if you haven't watched, don't bitch about having sub-par t.v. spoiled for you.
1) nathan remembers he's a fucking senator and decides to do 'stuff'. this stuff is, obviously, setting up a gitmo for superhumans and a paramilitary unit to do blackbag / snatch & grab operations on anyone with a power. despite HAVING A POWER HIMSELF. see also, his brother, mother, father, daughter, and several close associates. he seems genuinely confused as to why the rest of them think this is a Bad Idea.
later on in the season, he decides that he must Do Something to Stop This as it is Wrong.
IT'S YOUR FUCKING PROGRAM JACKASS.
2) peter carrying a gun, ever.
dude, you're not going to shoot anyone, we all know you're a giant pussy.
3) peter and matt taking turns pointing a gun at danko's head, then immediately realizing it's a shitty idea to execute him. well, no shit. 5 minutes of thinking about these things called 'consequences' would have eliminated about 2 1/2 episodes worth of air time for those two though, so i guess acting like retards on screen is the price they had to pay to get their check that week.
4) claire and everything she does. in short, her dad noah agrees to work with nathan to round up superhumans in exchange for claire getting a pass and not going into a cell for the rest of her life. a condition of this is that she not run around like a goddamned superpowered idiot.
claire then spends several episodes whining about wanting to be 'normal' before deciding that it is a better idea to fuck with the agents rounding people up and smuggle other supers to safety. so, 'not' normal. she stashes one of the supers in her house for a couple days. yes, the house that is being watched by agents. who know what this guy looks like. no, they don't even bother to shut the fucking shades or drapes. yes, the agents suspect that she's hiding this guy. the episode 'exposed' is a complete clusterfuck of mouth breathing stupidity on the part of everyone involved, and caused me actual physical pain to watch.
so far, the only upside to season 3 has been watching sylar destroy people's asses. i don't even care that he keeps switching sides, i'm just hoping that he gets to kill most of the main cast by the end of this nonsense.
and then today, i saw this. now i'm wondering how many other dark as hell garfield strips are in the early years that i've forgotten about.
on the t.v. side, heroes season 3 is about the most infuriating thing i've watched since 'attack girl's swim team vs. the undead'. i'm willing to accept a certain amount of comicbook logic and the resulting retarded decision making, but the whole thing just feels hastily thrown together with the unwritten assumption that all the characters have suffered massive head injuries. there are only a couple people around who don't immediately take the very obvious WORST FUCKING OPTION in any situation, and the writers have the balls to hang the plot tension on the problems that those same characters created by insisting that they had to do these stupid, stupid things. examples follow, so if you haven't watched, don't bitch about having sub-par t.v. spoiled for you.
1) nathan remembers he's a fucking senator and decides to do 'stuff'. this stuff is, obviously, setting up a gitmo for superhumans and a paramilitary unit to do blackbag / snatch & grab operations on anyone with a power. despite HAVING A POWER HIMSELF. see also, his brother, mother, father, daughter, and several close associates. he seems genuinely confused as to why the rest of them think this is a Bad Idea.
later on in the season, he decides that he must Do Something to Stop This as it is Wrong.
IT'S YOUR FUCKING PROGRAM JACKASS.
2) peter carrying a gun, ever.
dude, you're not going to shoot anyone, we all know you're a giant pussy.
3) peter and matt taking turns pointing a gun at danko's head, then immediately realizing it's a shitty idea to execute him. well, no shit. 5 minutes of thinking about these things called 'consequences' would have eliminated about 2 1/2 episodes worth of air time for those two though, so i guess acting like retards on screen is the price they had to pay to get their check that week.
4) claire and everything she does. in short, her dad noah agrees to work with nathan to round up superhumans in exchange for claire getting a pass and not going into a cell for the rest of her life. a condition of this is that she not run around like a goddamned superpowered idiot.
claire then spends several episodes whining about wanting to be 'normal' before deciding that it is a better idea to fuck with the agents rounding people up and smuggle other supers to safety. so, 'not' normal. she stashes one of the supers in her house for a couple days. yes, the house that is being watched by agents. who know what this guy looks like. no, they don't even bother to shut the fucking shades or drapes. yes, the agents suspect that she's hiding this guy. the episode 'exposed' is a complete clusterfuck of mouth breathing stupidity on the part of everyone involved, and caused me actual physical pain to watch.
so far, the only upside to season 3 has been watching sylar destroy people's asses. i don't even care that he keeps switching sides, i'm just hoping that he gets to kill most of the main cast by the end of this nonsense.
Friday, September 24, 2010
another entry into the "this should surprise no one" file
lo and behold, after a month of harassing people and getting no response via email or phone, it was finally discovered that the company i was told to use for a service that we absolutely require can not, in fact, perform said service.
as opposed to the extremely helpful and punctual company specializing in this area which i was forced to tell we will not require their services.
next week's project, of course, is me going to the original place and set up installation dates and changeover to their service now that i have proven, once again, if i do a couple weeks research on something this is a more accurate method than "boss picks company name out of a fucking hat".
as opposed to the extremely helpful and punctual company specializing in this area which i was forced to tell we will not require their services.
next week's project, of course, is me going to the original place and set up installation dates and changeover to their service now that i have proven, once again, if i do a couple weeks research on something this is a more accurate method than "boss picks company name out of a fucking hat".
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