dio, and now this

between this and dio, the average height in the world has gone up by about 4" in the last couple weeks.

old school

just found graeme norgate's site. he apparently did all the kick ass music in videogames around the n64 era.
you can go there and download tracks from perfect dark, timesplitters, killer instinct, goldeneye, and the best mindless destruction game ever: blast corps.

fuck yes blast corps. any game where you can fit the instructions on an index card is a good game, when that card only has the words "fucking destroy everything with mechs and heavy construction equipment" is a monument to simplicity of design. that game was incredibly fun, satisfying, and brutally difficult. totally worth the $20 i paid for it sometime in the late 90s.

fuck you dell

dell has officially made my shit list as of this morning.
put in two (2) orders through their website three weeks ago. upgrading all the computers in the office, picked up 10 new inspiron machines. since their website was designed by diseased minds, the products that are displayed in any one category are different depending on how you reach that category while traversing the arcane mess that is their site layout. when ordering the machines, their fucking order system will not allow you to order more than 5 computers at once. so, two orders of 5.
fast forward to this week, when i get the first batch, and spend a couple days setting up the new computers. oddly enough, the second batch never arrives.
fortunately, as i am doing this for the office, i still have receipts and whatnot, so i check on the order status. dell, in their infinite wisdom has cancelled the second order.
i call their customer support line. their response:
"we have no idea why your order was cancelled. is that a problem?"

YES THAT IS A FUCKING PROBLEM. YOU CANCELLED MY GODDAMNED ORDER, DID NOT NOTIFY ME OF THIS, AND NOW I HAVE HALF AN OFFICE FULL OF PISSED OFF PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR 3 WEEKS FOR THEIR FUCKING COMPUTERS.

dell's customer rep was unable to resolve this issue. now i am waiting on a call from a manager some time in the next couple days to possibly reinstate said order. which will mean waiting another three fucking weeks. in what world is it ok to just cancel an order without notifying anyone? no email, no call, nothing. hell, it even says on my order that they didn't bother to send me any notification. goddammit dell, i tried to give you a couple thousand dollars. now you can go fuck yourselves, i'm picking these computers up from best buy, i don't have time to deal with this nonsense.

rip dio

brockway has the only appropriate response.

"Because Dio taught me, in part, what it is to be a man. Oh, he did not teach the rational lessons: He did not teach me morality, or responsibility, or restraint. No, Stanley, he taught me that being a man means sometimes ruining things in the most extravagant fashion possible. Because you can, and because it’s awesome. And Dio died today, so now I am going to ruin things. I am going to ruin everything, Stanley. For Dio.”

I took another bite of Danish; I would need the calories.

“But first, Stanley, first I am going to orally pleasure the receptionist – your fiancé – on top of the copier. I will set the machine for 666 copies, and if she has not climaxed by the time it’s finished making them, I will throw her out the window. I’ll be sure to mail one to you, buddy.”

brevity

i don't know why i like this format, none of this sounded any better in context.

"you're only here because your mom was too stupid to work a coathanger."

"that's the orgy pit."
'yes. where the send the children who are yelling, or knock over displays.'
"or for dressin' all sexy."

"i like how fetal alcohol syndrome is the new rape / necrophilia joke."

"nothing you say or do scares me, and i don't see you often enough."
'i'm having a party with a bunch of dudes in dresses, homos, and perverts. stop by.'
"maybe next week."

"plantation and slavery jokes are your department tonight, i'm taking care of necrophilia and incest."

alternate interpretation - Alien

re-watched 'alien' for the first time in a whole lot of years over the weekend. i submit, the movie as it is billed is not the movie they are showing us.

part the first: relative technology levels.
we have a highly advanced level of tech on earth, to the point where long distance space travel is commercially available, realistic androids can be created (and pass for human!), and computing power has come to the point where deciphering an unknown alien language can be done in a matter of hours.
the nostromo's landing craft breaks when they land the fucking thing. none of their video monitors work reliably, and the resolution sucks. the whole damn ship is rusting and falling the hell apart, which is a known issue because they have enough spare parts to fix some of the mechanical failures during the course of the film.

part the second: the crew.
oh jesus. this is where everything started going south for me. go watch the movie, and then point out any single instance, ever, in the entire film, where someone made a non-retarded decision.
mission paramters expanded? great, let's go check the new place out with no gear or training for such.
unknown biological agent just destroyed the hell out of one of our suits and crewmembers? let's bring that fucker onboard IMMEDIATELY. OBVIOUSLY NOTHING CAN GO WRONG HERE, AND FUCK YOU FOR SUGGESTING WE STICK WITH THE 24 HOUR QUARANTINE PROTOCOL. yes, the crew gets into a fight about whether or not to bring an obviously hostile organism onboard. the voice of sanity is shouted down, so they DO.

oh god the extremely fast and nimble hostile alien got loose. let us go look for it using nothing but our bare hands, and some glow-sticks. we have no need for protective gear, or to seal off areas, or even to SHUT THE FUCKING DOORS. this fails to get worse, only because the thing has already died. zero points for the crew there.
giant alien kills another crew member. the rest of the crew takes a leisurely meeting to decide what to do. they send it more food. again, no protective gear, weapons, tactics, backup, or communications apart from "run! run! it's coming! oh god it's right on top of you, don't run that way! *chomp*"

this is the point in the movie where i realized the short haired woman was a sociopath and out to kill everyone on board. she's done nothing up till this point but yell at people for following safety procedures, but during the air vent scene she actively hinders dallas and gets him killed.

at this point, the surviving 4 crew members have another leisurely meeting and decide not to go anywhere alone. the score, for those following at home, is alien: 3, crew: 0.

all four then go off alone.

only one of them is armed, none of them are wearing any kind of armor. which they MUST HAVE ON BOARD. the ship is a fucking tow ship / refinery, they have safety gear. hard hats at least.
a.i. goes nuts, 3 crew left.
two of those then head off, with one weapon between them. alien shows up, and the short haired woman sits down to scream. token black guy instead of incinerating her and the alien then runs up and gently shoves the super strong 8 foot tall acid blooded engine of space death.
things go poorly.
alien: 5, crew: 0.

the alien at this point is tired of killing everything, and goes for nappy time. ripley notices it, and takes 5 minutes to suit up, move it in front of an airlock door, and then shoot it out into space. the alien lets this happen without protest.


ok, so we have a movie filled with absolutely moronic decision making by people who should know better. unless.
i submit: the nostromo's function as a tow ship / refinery is it's secondary purpose. in the future, earth has advanced to a point where space travel is cheap enough that regular jackoffs can get jobs on freighters, etc. there are still laws against outright killing the handicapped, but overpopulation has made it very attractive to simply put the less intelligent and productive members of society on broken down floating barges, telling the 'crew' that they're space miners and to bring back minerals and whatnot to earth when or if they find it. if the crew dies, oh well, we lost a ship that should have been decommissioned decades ago. if not, hey, resources that we're running out of back on earth. good job guys, here's a happy meal, now get back out into space.
and so, my point: 'alien' - tards in space.

yes, i know i'm late to the party

this is why i'm a shitty nerd.
i've just started fucking around with windows 7, which i really like. then again, i liked vista, so there's that. the way win 7 is set up though, points you towards using the 64 bit version of internet explorer. they do include the 32 bit version as well, but it's less prominent.
and of course: problems arise.

adobe makes flash, and distributes the flash player. i.e. does not come with this pre-installed. there is no 64 bit version of the flash player. to get that to install, you need to be running the 32 bit verison of i.e.
$5 to the first person who comes up with a concise explanation of that issue i can pass along to the people at the office wondering why they have to deal with 2 different i.e. shortcuts on their desktops. bear in mind that the people i work with do not understand the difference between outlook, internet explorer, and windows.

also, adobe? your fucking help file should not have this in it:
"I can't get Adobe Flash Player to work on Windows 7.

TRY THIS FIRST

This problem is related to the browser you are using. Try using another browser, such as Firefox from Mozilla."

you are snakes and liars. if steve jobs wasn't a bigger douchebag, i would hope he is correct and html5 renders flash obsolete.

quick clips

no context, no prisoners.

"you look like someone's gay ecstasy dealer."

"the ladies room has a fuckin staircase!?"

"well, tjgsat blows. wtf are you doing up therewz? free drinks are goodn things"

"i told you this place was a gay punk bar now."

"there are going to be a bunch of underage girls, beers, and transvestites."
-'i can't see what could possibly go wrong here.'

"if you had an inner child, i would rape it."