This is a terrible fucking idea.
.
.
.
.
.
Oh, OK, I suppose I can give it more time than that. Apple Pay is Apple's new thing to use your iDevice to pay for stuff without the hassle of things like cash or credit cards. So, it's like PayPal or Google Wallet, or a prepaid VISA card, or, well, you get the point.
Except!
It's revolutionary, because Apple.
I realize that I have a long history of hating all over Apple's stuff, so I'm going to try to be as objective as possible with this.
Security is Hard. Let's repeat for the slow kids in the class: Security is Hard. For anyone who's been paying attention to this topic for a while, there's been a recent rash of well known brands getting knocked over. All those links in the last sentence? Different incidents. And that is by no means an exhaustive list.
Even companies that are good at security have a hard time with it. Apple on the other hand, has a terrible history with doing things in a secure fashion. Remember GoTo Fail? All those iPad accounts getting cracked? The Fappening? All that stuff is recent. And analysis of stuff like the GoTo Fail bug shows that this is the kind of error that will be caught by common, standard tools when you're writing code. Which implies that Apple is writing their stuff without any safety measures, code review, or standards.
So, do you think it is a good idea to trust your money with a company that has a history of doing security poorly, when the evidence indicates that there are many more exploits coming in the future?
If you still think Apple's stuff is secure, go review the results of the Pwn2Own contest in the link above. Apple's devices and software gets knocked over as an afterthought once someone provides a financial incentive.
Kids, don't put your money in Apple Pay right away.
Saturday, September 20, 2014
Friday, September 12, 2014
Peak Fox News!
I have held off from posting about the Ray Rice shenanigans. Partly, because I am busy enjoying a schadenfreude high from all the dumb shit said by news anchors and NFL personalities after the Elevator Cage Match video was released, and many people got to look retroactively abhorrent due to the dumb shit they said.
Fox "News" has forced me to break down and write some words. Obviously, I hope that I will never again have to type that sentence.
If you haven't been exposed, the short version is that a video was leaked showing NFL player Ray Rice dragging his unconscious girlfriend / fiancé out of an elevator. The NFL decided that he wasn't looking good, and suspended him briefly. Then, an extended version of that video was shown where his girlfriend spat on him and yelled at the man, so he punched her in the face and bounced her head off a railing in said elevator, knocking her unconscious.
Ah. Well. Now This Is A Problem. This is where the apologists started looking like assholes. But! Thanks to Fox "News", we get the best possible defense of the stupid! It was her fault, because Ray Rice is the Real Victim!
Money Quote: "... that video makes him look better than before."
This is out of context, but I am not a Republican, so I will explain. The video shows an argument between Ray Rice and Janay Palmer arguing in an elevator. She is yelling at him, and spits on him. He then punches her in the head hard enough to bounce her head off the wall, knocking her unconscious, and drags her from the elevator. Please listen to the whole thing if you think I am quote mining or misinterpreting.
To Fox "News", this makes him look "better than before." You know, when we just saw him dragging a woman from an elevator.
My brain is melting trying to process this, so I am going to bring up the point that even in the UFC, they have weight classes. Yes, the arena where dudes are paid to commit felony assault on each other makes sure you are having a fair fight. Ray Rice is an NFL running back, he weighs north of 250 lbs., and is punching an unarmed woman in the head. Fox "News" chooses to interpret this as a valid response or somesuch nonsense.
Seriously, A.J. Delgado paints Ray Rice as the real victim here. Because he is in trouble for beating up a girl. Apparently, domestic violence is a complete myth, and when a huge dude pounds on some broad for annoying him, she should have just shut her whore mouth and "Taken the Stairs".
Christ Fox "News". I can't even parody this shit.
Fox "News" has forced me to break down and write some words. Obviously, I hope that I will never again have to type that sentence.
If you haven't been exposed, the short version is that a video was leaked showing NFL player Ray Rice dragging his unconscious girlfriend / fiancé out of an elevator. The NFL decided that he wasn't looking good, and suspended him briefly. Then, an extended version of that video was shown where his girlfriend spat on him and yelled at the man, so he punched her in the face and bounced her head off a railing in said elevator, knocking her unconscious.
Ah. Well. Now This Is A Problem. This is where the apologists started looking like assholes. But! Thanks to Fox "News", we get the best possible defense of the stupid! It was her fault, because Ray Rice is the Real Victim!
Money Quote: "... that video makes him look better than before."
This is out of context, but I am not a Republican, so I will explain. The video shows an argument between Ray Rice and Janay Palmer arguing in an elevator. She is yelling at him, and spits on him. He then punches her in the head hard enough to bounce her head off the wall, knocking her unconscious, and drags her from the elevator. Please listen to the whole thing if you think I am quote mining or misinterpreting.
To Fox "News", this makes him look "better than before." You know, when we just saw him dragging a woman from an elevator.
My brain is melting trying to process this, so I am going to bring up the point that even in the UFC, they have weight classes. Yes, the arena where dudes are paid to commit felony assault on each other makes sure you are having a fair fight. Ray Rice is an NFL running back, he weighs north of 250 lbs., and is punching an unarmed woman in the head. Fox "News" chooses to interpret this as a valid response or somesuch nonsense.
Seriously, A.J. Delgado paints Ray Rice as the real victim here. Because he is in trouble for beating up a girl. Apparently, domestic violence is a complete myth, and when a huge dude pounds on some broad for annoying him, she should have just shut her whore mouth and "Taken the Stairs".
Christ Fox "News". I can't even parody this shit.
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
For the hard working man
I now have the exact thing to buy next time I have the opportunity to fuck an entire town.
Monday, September 8, 2014
The Marvel cinematic universe continues to impress me
The Marvel movies are doing a really good job with featuring a lot of my favorite C-list heroes and villains, to the point where I almost feel like they're just fucking with me. When Marvel started doing movies seriously, I expected to see stuff like the X-men, Avengers, Spider-Man, the Fantastic Four, and Captain America.
I did not expect to see dudes like Drax the Destroyer, Luke Cage, Iron Fist, Vision, or Adam Warlock. To be fair, Luke and Danny are getting shows, but still.
Well, if Marvel wants to keep throwing in characters to make me happy, they can add Deathlok, Ms Marvel (Carol Danvers), Wonder Man, Firelord and Morbius at some point. I could throw out a bunch of X-men or Spider-Man characters, but that ain't going to happen any time soon, and I'd rather not see them getting ruined by the company that will not be named in their crappy franchise-grab flicks.
The only other longshot? Mother Fucking Namor the First, the Avenging Son, the Sub-Mariner. Apparently, Marvel hocked the movie rights to Namor back in the day to keep the doors open and lights on, so he's literally been saving the entire Marvel universe for decades. But, as a fan, I must add: Namor is the ruler of Atlantis, and takes zero shit for looking like Mr. Spock wearing a speedo. Marvel, get the rights back from Universal and get Zachary Quinto on this. Imperius Rex!
I did not expect to see dudes like Drax the Destroyer, Luke Cage, Iron Fist, Vision, or Adam Warlock. To be fair, Luke and Danny are getting shows, but still.
Well, if Marvel wants to keep throwing in characters to make me happy, they can add Deathlok, Ms Marvel (Carol Danvers), Wonder Man, Firelord and Morbius at some point. I could throw out a bunch of X-men or Spider-Man characters, but that ain't going to happen any time soon, and I'd rather not see them getting ruined by the company that will not be named in their crappy franchise-grab flicks.
The only other longshot? Mother Fucking Namor the First, the Avenging Son, the Sub-Mariner. Apparently, Marvel hocked the movie rights to Namor back in the day to keep the doors open and lights on, so he's literally been saving the entire Marvel universe for decades. But, as a fan, I must add: Namor is the ruler of Atlantis, and takes zero shit for looking like Mr. Spock wearing a speedo. Marvel, get the rights back from Universal and get Zachary Quinto on this. Imperius Rex!
I have to bitch about this one
A recent xkcd is riffing on the subject of a study correlating sms messaging with higher scores in grammar and spelling tests.
To me, this smells bad. I agree that constant reading and writing should make using the written word an easier task, but I think a constant stream of such is not likely to confer any real talent or understanding. In the same way that a constant diet of cotton candy doesn't make you predisposed to being a chef, sucking from the twitter firehose isn't going to make you a black belt* in English class.
Ugh. Here's where I make new enemies. xkcd is conflating constant status updates and tweeting with Writing as a Skill. Which isn't really the same thing at all. You get better at stuff by actively practicing and having smarter people tell you where and why you suck. I can write a thousand blog posts and still be a shitty writer (I am not. I am also arrogant.) but if you don't also spend that time evaluating what you have done and work on making improvements, then you continue to suck.
In short, it's not a bunch of kids playing catch, it's a bunch of jackasses throwing bottles at a building. There's no real feedback, so there's no incentive or education beyond a single kid wanting to get better. No one really gives a shit about corrections in youtube comments or your twitter feed. Unless someone has the motivation, the best they're going to do is ape the conventions of the medium they're using. Those kids aren't learning to write, they're learning a shitty version of boilerplate.
*full disclosure. I never got my black belt, I dropped out of my martial arts schools, and stopped going to college. I have now taught most of the things I went there to learn.
To me, this smells bad. I agree that constant reading and writing should make using the written word an easier task, but I think a constant stream of such is not likely to confer any real talent or understanding. In the same way that a constant diet of cotton candy doesn't make you predisposed to being a chef, sucking from the twitter firehose isn't going to make you a black belt* in English class.
Ugh. Here's where I make new enemies. xkcd is conflating constant status updates and tweeting with Writing as a Skill. Which isn't really the same thing at all. You get better at stuff by actively practicing and having smarter people tell you where and why you suck. I can write a thousand blog posts and still be a shitty writer (I am not. I am also arrogant.) but if you don't also spend that time evaluating what you have done and work on making improvements, then you continue to suck.
In short, it's not a bunch of kids playing catch, it's a bunch of jackasses throwing bottles at a building. There's no real feedback, so there's no incentive or education beyond a single kid wanting to get better. No one really gives a shit about corrections in youtube comments or your twitter feed. Unless someone has the motivation, the best they're going to do is ape the conventions of the medium they're using. Those kids aren't learning to write, they're learning a shitty version of boilerplate.
*full disclosure. I never got my black belt, I dropped out of my martial arts schools, and stopped going to college. I have now taught most of the things I went there to learn.
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Reflection and refraction
I want to preface this by saying I really didn't want to have to write this post.
For the last couple days, I've been reading "The Lexus and the olive tree" by Thomas Friedman. Yes, the guy who was wrong so frequently they named a unit of measurement after him.
For the lazy, the Friedman Unit is "six months from now. And then six months after that. And then six months after that, forever." In reference to when America would win our war against Terror. Any day now!
I need to take regular breaks from the book, because I've been trying to decide if Friedman is a a really shitty writer, or just plain ol' dumb.
The problem I'm running into is that some of his viewpoints are actually . . . pretty good. Stuff I agree with. Things that seem to make sense. And then he runs right off the rails and starts telling half-baked stories about imagined conversations with nation states or world leaders, and I hate everything to my eyeballs. At the very least, being presented the Easy Reader version of global finance does Not fill me with confidence about the depth of this man's thought on the subject matter.
Since the book is from 1999, a few chapters are morbidly hilarious in retrospect. Like when he spends much ink praising establishments such as Moody's as regards to issuing ratings, and lambasting governments that do not allow such hallowed institutions to deliver Judgement upon their financial products. Because Moody's will Obviously perform their function in a fair and accurate manner in all instances. Capitalism and globalization are the way to infinite prosperity! So to join the global community, you must get their stamp of approval.
Capitalism forever!
One other side effect of globalization is driving down wages for unskilled labor. Stuff that can be outsourced will be . . . well, outsourced. Friedman is OK with this, as he imagines a world where the now unemployed will take the time to train up and learn more advanced skills to get higher paying jobs.
No. This will not happen.
I understand that I'm about to shit right in the the American Dream, but I'm not being paid enough to lie to you people. Right now, I could take a job as a janitor. I have had this job before, and I rather liked it.
If some janitor magically saved enough cash to get a couple years of schooling, there is next to zero chance that they can become a programmer. Sorry, them's the breaks. That janitor, after several years of schooling, is most likely to be, at best, a shitty programmer. Those are the ones who get fired for "not meeting expectations." This isn't just a programming thing, they're likely not going to be a surgeon, engineer, physicist, or anything else. They'll just be chronically unemployed.
If this sounds dickish or arrogant, here's something to make that worse: I get at least a couple job offers a week. I'm not even looking. I am an Average programmer. There are so few people that can do this kind of stuff that I've never in my adult life had to seriously worry about employment. I am extremely grateful for this kind of freedom, but I've also worked enough shitty jobs that I know what it's like to be one paycheck from getting evicted for several years on end. If it Can be outsourced, it Will be.
Hell, call center and IT jobs are just sort of starting to come back to the U.S. and we had it easy. If I was a welder or worked in manufacturing I would be even more pissed about this trend. But I don't think it's going to change.
So, if the jobs are getting shuffled around, everyone's wages are going into the toilet, and re-training isn't a reasonable option for enough people, then what's next?
I'm not sure. Universal income sounds somewhat appealing, but I haven't done my homework there yet. Socialism is still a Very Naughty Word in America, so that's right out. Maybe some good old fashioned rioting in the streets? I could be up for that.
For the last couple days, I've been reading "The Lexus and the olive tree" by Thomas Friedman. Yes, the guy who was wrong so frequently they named a unit of measurement after him.
For the lazy, the Friedman Unit is "six months from now. And then six months after that. And then six months after that, forever." In reference to when America would win our war against Terror. Any day now!
I need to take regular breaks from the book, because I've been trying to decide if Friedman is a a really shitty writer, or just plain ol' dumb.
The problem I'm running into is that some of his viewpoints are actually . . . pretty good. Stuff I agree with. Things that seem to make sense. And then he runs right off the rails and starts telling half-baked stories about imagined conversations with nation states or world leaders, and I hate everything to my eyeballs. At the very least, being presented the Easy Reader version of global finance does Not fill me with confidence about the depth of this man's thought on the subject matter.
Since the book is from 1999, a few chapters are morbidly hilarious in retrospect. Like when he spends much ink praising establishments such as Moody's as regards to issuing ratings, and lambasting governments that do not allow such hallowed institutions to deliver Judgement upon their financial products. Because Moody's will Obviously perform their function in a fair and accurate manner in all instances. Capitalism and globalization are the way to infinite prosperity! So to join the global community, you must get their stamp of approval.
Capitalism forever!
One other side effect of globalization is driving down wages for unskilled labor. Stuff that can be outsourced will be . . . well, outsourced. Friedman is OK with this, as he imagines a world where the now unemployed will take the time to train up and learn more advanced skills to get higher paying jobs.
No. This will not happen.
I understand that I'm about to shit right in the the American Dream, but I'm not being paid enough to lie to you people. Right now, I could take a job as a janitor. I have had this job before, and I rather liked it.
If some janitor magically saved enough cash to get a couple years of schooling, there is next to zero chance that they can become a programmer. Sorry, them's the breaks. That janitor, after several years of schooling, is most likely to be, at best, a shitty programmer. Those are the ones who get fired for "not meeting expectations." This isn't just a programming thing, they're likely not going to be a surgeon, engineer, physicist, or anything else. They'll just be chronically unemployed.
If this sounds dickish or arrogant, here's something to make that worse: I get at least a couple job offers a week. I'm not even looking. I am an Average programmer. There are so few people that can do this kind of stuff that I've never in my adult life had to seriously worry about employment. I am extremely grateful for this kind of freedom, but I've also worked enough shitty jobs that I know what it's like to be one paycheck from getting evicted for several years on end. If it Can be outsourced, it Will be.
Hell, call center and IT jobs are just sort of starting to come back to the U.S. and we had it easy. If I was a welder or worked in manufacturing I would be even more pissed about this trend. But I don't think it's going to change.
So, if the jobs are getting shuffled around, everyone's wages are going into the toilet, and re-training isn't a reasonable option for enough people, then what's next?
I'm not sure. Universal income sounds somewhat appealing, but I haven't done my homework there yet. Socialism is still a Very Naughty Word in America, so that's right out. Maybe some good old fashioned rioting in the streets? I could be up for that.
Sunday, August 24, 2014
The three questions. With answers!
Almost every person I am introduced to on a casual basis eventually ends up asking me the following 3 questions. If you don't want to read the whole thing, the answers are "probably", "yes", and "why?"
I Know Stuff about computers. I have been known to work as a programmer, and on the occasions when I get to talk shop with other nerds, it seems like we're all getting variations of these questions from a lot of people.
So! As a public service, here are the questions a lot of you people have, and my|the answers.
Question 1) Can you fix my computer?
Probably? This is actually a really, really complicated question, and it's loaded like it's auditioning for the next Expendables movie. Part of the problem is that civilians have no idea whatso-fucking-ever how or why computers work. Seriously. The kids who have grown up all their lives with the things aren't really much better than grandma in the nursing home when it comes to understanding how their laptop does Stuff. This makes any repair work a shit-ton more difficult, because the patient can't give you much useful information (if any.)
Whatever's going wrong could be hardware, could be software, could be a virus, or could be a couple programs engaged in a pissing match that is breaking how things are expected to work (I am looking at you, Chrome and Kaspersky Antivirus.) Also, the user is a fucking liar, every time, whether they know it or not. "Have you been going to shady porn sites?" The answer to this one is always "No!" So I don't bother asking anymore.
"Have you done any software updates recently?" The answer to this is always "Uhh?" and here's where I get to spend 10 hours dicking around trying to figure out what has changed or what could be causing any problems. Basically, unless you dropped the thing, you can't tell me anything useful, so I get to play computer detective to piece together what went off the rails. And! If I can't figure it out, users assume that I don't actually Know About Computers. Hey slapnuts, if you had been able to tell me that the wi-fi LED on your keyboard wasn't working, I could have figured this out a couple days ago. I'm not even a hardware dude, half of that stuff is a mystery to me too. I just learned enough to have a general idea of what questions to ask and where to get the answers.
Question 2) Can you hack things?
Whenever someone asks this, they always have the same expression as someone telling a nigger joke in a neighborhood where a black person may be present. Shifty eyes, slightly guilt-ridden, like a kid with their hand in the cookie jar. They want to know if I have the ability to Take Over their Shit. Hacking is some top level skill that is only possessed by elite code grinding motherfuckers. If I can do this, I am a Badass.
In short: you have been lied to by Hollywood. Hacking a system or computer isn't some super-secret code ninja task, all you do is call Janine in H.R. and tell her you're in I.T. and doing some network testing so you need her password. Log on as her, and you're in. BAM! You are now a hacker.
Sorry, it's less sexy than all the movies made it seem.
There's more to it, obviously, but seriously people, stop asking me if I'm a criminal.
Question 3) Why aren't you rich?
After being around people for a while, they see the computer knowledge and assume that I should be focused on maximizing my dollars per hour, and that does not seem to line up with how I spend my money and time. If you are reading this, there is a very good chance that you've used some stuff I wrote, or it's part of a thing you use all the time. It follows that I should then own several islands and have girls in hula skirts bringing me drinks at all hours of the day.
Well. The second part is obviously true. If I had to boil down the answer to this, it's that there are a very limited number of positions that pay crazy-town money for code, and I don't want to work at most of those places. Right now, I make enough money to do whatever the hell I want, whenever I want to, so, what would I use more money for? Money is something you trade for stuff you want, and I've got what I want. I have enough extra left over to take care of just about anything that comes up, so I don't feel a need to stockpile the stuff. I get to spend more time with my friends and learning other cool things, rather than grinding away on some startup project for 80 hours a week or beating my head against the wall solving some machine learning problem that I don't find interesting in the least.
It's an ongoing thing. If my job becomes awful, I can get another one. If I'm interested in some side project, I'm happy to throw some time at it. The money isn't what it's about, if I need more, I can make more, but right now, I'm very happy with what I have and where I am. More cash ain't gonna change that.
I Know Stuff about computers. I have been known to work as a programmer, and on the occasions when I get to talk shop with other nerds, it seems like we're all getting variations of these questions from a lot of people.
So! As a public service, here are the questions a lot of you people have, and my|the answers.
Question 1) Can you fix my computer?
Probably? This is actually a really, really complicated question, and it's loaded like it's auditioning for the next Expendables movie. Part of the problem is that civilians have no idea whatso-fucking-ever how or why computers work. Seriously. The kids who have grown up all their lives with the things aren't really much better than grandma in the nursing home when it comes to understanding how their laptop does Stuff. This makes any repair work a shit-ton more difficult, because the patient can't give you much useful information (if any.)
Whatever's going wrong could be hardware, could be software, could be a virus, or could be a couple programs engaged in a pissing match that is breaking how things are expected to work (I am looking at you, Chrome and Kaspersky Antivirus.) Also, the user is a fucking liar, every time, whether they know it or not. "Have you been going to shady porn sites?" The answer to this one is always "No!" So I don't bother asking anymore.
"Have you done any software updates recently?" The answer to this is always "Uhh?" and here's where I get to spend 10 hours dicking around trying to figure out what has changed or what could be causing any problems. Basically, unless you dropped the thing, you can't tell me anything useful, so I get to play computer detective to piece together what went off the rails. And! If I can't figure it out, users assume that I don't actually Know About Computers. Hey slapnuts, if you had been able to tell me that the wi-fi LED on your keyboard wasn't working, I could have figured this out a couple days ago. I'm not even a hardware dude, half of that stuff is a mystery to me too. I just learned enough to have a general idea of what questions to ask and where to get the answers.
Question 2) Can you hack things?
Whenever someone asks this, they always have the same expression as someone telling a nigger joke in a neighborhood where a black person may be present. Shifty eyes, slightly guilt-ridden, like a kid with their hand in the cookie jar. They want to know if I have the ability to Take Over their Shit. Hacking is some top level skill that is only possessed by elite code grinding motherfuckers. If I can do this, I am a Badass.
In short: you have been lied to by Hollywood. Hacking a system or computer isn't some super-secret code ninja task, all you do is call Janine in H.R. and tell her you're in I.T. and doing some network testing so you need her password. Log on as her, and you're in. BAM! You are now a hacker.
Sorry, it's less sexy than all the movies made it seem.
There's more to it, obviously, but seriously people, stop asking me if I'm a criminal.
Question 3) Why aren't you rich?
After being around people for a while, they see the computer knowledge and assume that I should be focused on maximizing my dollars per hour, and that does not seem to line up with how I spend my money and time. If you are reading this, there is a very good chance that you've used some stuff I wrote, or it's part of a thing you use all the time. It follows that I should then own several islands and have girls in hula skirts bringing me drinks at all hours of the day.
Well. The second part is obviously true. If I had to boil down the answer to this, it's that there are a very limited number of positions that pay crazy-town money for code, and I don't want to work at most of those places. Right now, I make enough money to do whatever the hell I want, whenever I want to, so, what would I use more money for? Money is something you trade for stuff you want, and I've got what I want. I have enough extra left over to take care of just about anything that comes up, so I don't feel a need to stockpile the stuff. I get to spend more time with my friends and learning other cool things, rather than grinding away on some startup project for 80 hours a week or beating my head against the wall solving some machine learning problem that I don't find interesting in the least.
It's an ongoing thing. If my job becomes awful, I can get another one. If I'm interested in some side project, I'm happy to throw some time at it. The money isn't what it's about, if I need more, I can make more, but right now, I'm very happy with what I have and where I am. More cash ain't gonna change that.
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