Almost every person I am introduced to on a casual basis eventually ends up asking me the following 3 questions. If you don't want to read the whole thing, the answers are "probably", "yes", and "why?"
I Know Stuff about computers. I have been known to work as a programmer, and on the occasions when I get to talk shop with other nerds, it seems like we're all getting variations of these questions from a lot of people.
So! As a public service, here are the questions a lot of you people have, and my|the answers.
Question 1) Can you fix my computer?
Probably? This is actually a really, really complicated question, and it's loaded like it's auditioning for the next Expendables movie. Part of the problem is that civilians have no idea whatso-fucking-ever how or why computers work. Seriously. The kids who have grown up all their lives with the things aren't really much better than grandma in the nursing home when it comes to understanding how their laptop does Stuff. This makes any repair work a shit-ton more difficult, because the patient can't give you much useful information (if any.)
Whatever's going wrong could be hardware, could be software, could be a virus, or could be a couple programs engaged in a pissing match that is breaking how things are expected to work (I am looking at you, Chrome and Kaspersky Antivirus.) Also, the user is a fucking liar, every time, whether they know it or not. "Have you been going to shady porn sites?" The answer to this one is always "No!" So I don't bother asking anymore.
"Have you done any software updates recently?" The answer to this is always "Uhh?" and here's where I get to spend 10 hours dicking around trying to figure out what has changed or what could be causing any problems. Basically, unless you dropped the thing, you can't tell me anything useful, so I get to play computer detective to piece together what went off the rails. And! If I can't figure it out, users assume that I don't actually Know About Computers. Hey slapnuts, if you had been able to tell me that the wi-fi LED on your keyboard wasn't working, I could have figured this out a couple days ago. I'm not even a hardware dude, half of that stuff is a mystery to me too. I just learned enough to have a general idea of what questions to ask and where to get the answers.
Question 2) Can you hack things?
Whenever someone asks this, they always have the same expression as someone telling a nigger joke in a neighborhood where a black person may be present. Shifty eyes, slightly guilt-ridden, like a kid with their hand in the cookie jar. They want to know if I have the ability to Take Over their Shit. Hacking is some top level skill that is only possessed by elite code grinding motherfuckers. If I can do this, I am a Badass.
In short: you have been lied to by Hollywood. Hacking a system or computer isn't some super-secret code ninja task, all you do is call Janine in H.R. and tell her you're in I.T. and doing some network testing so you need her password. Log on as her, and you're in. BAM! You are now a hacker.
Sorry, it's less sexy than all the movies made it seem.
There's more to it, obviously, but seriously people, stop asking me if I'm a criminal.
Question 3) Why aren't you rich?
After being around people for a while, they see the computer knowledge and assume that I should be focused on maximizing my dollars per hour, and that does not seem to line up with how I spend my money and time. If you are reading this, there is a very good chance that you've used some stuff I wrote, or it's part of a thing you use all the time. It follows that I should then own several islands and have girls in hula skirts bringing me drinks at all hours of the day.
Well. The second part is obviously true. If I had to boil down the answer to this, it's that there are a very limited number of positions that pay crazy-town money for code, and I don't want to work at most of those places. Right now, I make enough money to do whatever the hell I want, whenever I want to, so, what would I use more money for? Money is something you trade for stuff you want, and I've got what I want. I have enough extra left over to take care of just about anything that comes up, so I don't feel a need to stockpile the stuff. I get to spend more time with my friends and learning other cool things, rather than grinding away on some startup project for 80 hours a week or beating my head against the wall solving some machine learning problem that I don't find interesting in the least.
It's an ongoing thing. If my job becomes awful, I can get another one. If I'm interested in some side project, I'm happy to throw some time at it. The money isn't what it's about, if I need more, I can make more, but right now, I'm very happy with what I have and where I am. More cash ain't gonna change that.
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