72 hours and counting

So, I get at least one question a week that I consider to be pants-on-head retarded. This isn't unusual, because my dumb ass went into a highly specialized field where 90+% of the population is only vaguely familiar with the rudiments of the equipment used to DO my job, much less actually perform any tasks related to the field.

I try to be understanding about this. I really do.

And the universe rewards me with email like this:
"I have your link on our site (_________________/resources.html). There is no scroll bar on the right to access more info. How do I get that?"

I decide to break this down.
1) yes. They do a have a link to our site on that page.
2) I'm not sure what the fuck he's talking about for the rest of it. There IS a scroll bar on the right, due to the page being rather long, and having a lot of information on it.

So. As far as I can tell, he's asking for something . . . that's already there? Not to put too fine a point on this, but I don't work for his place of business, so whatever happens on his site is not really a concern of mine. Forging ahead, because I am a fucking idiot, I send him a reply asking for some clarification. Which nets me this reply:
"If a page has more information on it than can be shown on the screen, there is no arrow on the right hand side to allow to move down the page to see more info."

Uh. Ok then. I'm not editing these to be a cocksucker, these are two separate email messages in their entirety, from someone with english as their primary language.
Fuck it, I'm done here in a couple days. I'm ignoring anything else this guy sends me.

The Checklist

i will do all of these things. having a bucket list is for chumps.
currently accomplished:
3.) Drink a fifth of hard liquor, by yourself, in one day.
4.) Dance like a fool in front of a large hooting crowd.
8.) Embark on an impromptu road trip.
10.) Extravagantly overtip a bartender.
11.) Walk up to an attractive stranger way out of your league and buy him or her a drink.
12.) Conspire an afterhours at your favorite bar.
16.) Get drunk with your father.
17.) Fight a good fight.
18.) Visit the source of your favorite beer, wine or liquor.
- hell, i moved there.
19.) Drunkenly watch the sun come up with your best boozing buddies and a bottle.
21.) Hit a dozen bars in one night.
22.) Try at least one hundred different drinks.
24.) Juice on the job.
26.) Give a hobo twenty bucks.
30.) Go on a fishing trip with your pals.
31.) Eat the worm.
33.) Steal some booze.
36.) Experience absinthe.

texts from last night

my phone edition. with commentary.

"wshoto2!"
no, i have no fucking idea what that was supposed to be either.

"i'm already drinks."
yes. yes you are.

"stop texting me if you're going to be an asshole."
hahahahhahahhahhahaa!
no.

"ha ha fuck the kids"
seriously. fuck those little motherfuckers.

"a couple girls from ______ say hi. i'm drunk and forgot the0r names again."
those were deep and meaningful relationships you bastards.

"i'm too opera to drinks on the porch"
i . . . shit. i don't even know if you can disagree with this.


also, drinking good beers with one of the whitest people i know, who happens to be a successful gun dealer while watching sheltered suburban frat boys head bang to a gangsta rap song espousing the merits of guns, money and booze? meta-hilarious.

re: care, and the wording of wishes

1) after further dicking around with my phone, i have found that i can get and send email with it.
2) a handful of people at larp have been telling me for years that i need to become more active on the email lists since no one knows who the hell i am outside of the midwest.

result? i am now trolling the clan while drinking beverages in a variety of locations.
a somewhat more careful wording of the original wish might have been "be sober, and speak with others in the clan without referring to them as worthless pussies, possibly bringing up various subjects of interest to the clan."

this would be a kick ass band name

the homosexual steamroller.
never thought i'd be saying this, but thanks jerry falwell! i am going to start a new group on rockband when i get home, and it will be motherfucking FABULOUS.