My unsolicited love letter to the makers of Demon's Souls

You magnificent bastards, I hope your children are sold into slavery and / or featured in clown-related pornography on the Internet. Demon's Souls is a spectacular throwback to the Nintendo games of the 80's which would punch you in the balls with no warning or possibility of respecting you in the morning, and does not give a fuck if you are OK with that.

The first clue(s) you will receive about this is that
a) there is no option to select the difficulty. This game assumes that you are a Bad Motherfucker, or it will happily turn you into paste.
or
b) you will die during the training level.
Death is only but so much of a problem in Demon's Souls, and you will get used to that state of being. You can play the levels while dead, with the minor impediment of losing half of your health bar.
I am a fan of challenging games, I have several MegaMan collections, I thoroughly enjoyed Maximo, and my go-to weapon in Resident Evil is the knife. I can enjoy playing titles like Halo or Super Mario Galaxy and experiencing things like "regenerating health", "save points", and "extra lives". But. Some of Us think of Samuel Johnson and smile: "Every man thinks meanly of himself for not having been a soldier." Or, as I think of it: "If you do not throw yourself into the meat-grinder, how do you know if you are tough enough to survive it?"

The original NES had a plethora of games like this, concepts such as 'game balance' not being invented until the mid 90's. Renting a random game would virtually guarantee that you would be crushed mercilessly and have your patience tried like Job. Lest we forget, the second Super Mario Brothers game had 1-UP mushrooms that would instantly kill you. Contra required a cheat code to complete. If you ran out of ammunition for Bubble Lead, Dr. Wily would dickslap your mother, etc.

Which is part of the "itch" I feel these days when playing modern games. It's too easy to load a save state, or re-start the level, or get power-ups and steamroll anything in your way. Once in a While, you need a game that says "No." and then says "Fuck You, very Bad Things are in your future. You will Know what Hard means, because you are about to be ruined."

I hate new music

I have been Accused of hating all new music, and I do see a point. When a close friend mentioned that none of the bands I listen to are less than 10 years old, I had to accept that this was more or less true.
And while this is a great source of Distress for my inner punk rock kid, times like this, O my brothers, reaffirm this predilection in musical taste.
To Wit: I have been Given a CD by a Female

This has Never gone well.
Along with such Bull Shit as full albums from Bowling for Soup and Lostprophets, I now add "The Drug in Me is You" by Falling in Reverse.

For those too lazy to read the entire thing, your takeaway here is "you can't autotune the Suck from an album"

The lead singer spends much of the album assuring us that he is, in fact, good at singing, as well as music in general, despite no evidence given to bolster that assertion. The lyrics were obviously stolen from the Lisa Frank notebook of a mildly retarded fan of screamo, whom at least had the good Goddamned sense not to record any of the 'songs' due to a massive lack of fucking talent.
I will grant that several songs are relatively entertaining (Raised by Wolves, The Drug in Me is You) , but the surrounding wall of awful that is the rest of the album makes listening to them comparable to bobbing for horse apples in a latrine.
"I'm not a Vampire" is the song I imagine Edward from Twilight writing in his spare time. If this is "Post Punk", punk is indeed dead, and these fuckers killed it. I must now go listen to TSOL and pour one out for my homies.

Rewatching Star Wars

After some time, I have just re-watched the original Star Wars (Episode IV).
I am old enough that my copy is on VHS, and has minimal tampering.
Fortified with a bottle of gin, and an associate who has also viewed the trilogy multiple times, we Decided to re-interpret the movies based on
a) knowing the entire plot
b) being jaded motherfuckers
c) the aforementioned bottle of gin

I Highly Encourage everyone who is a fan of the movies to do this at some point. In our Vision, Han Solo is a stumblefuck retard, and all-around shitty negotiator. R2-D2 is a sex-bot only in it for the lulz. Luke is a stone-cold killer, and Obi-Wan is a lazy manipulating bastard.

Further detail will follow if the muse permits and the gin holds out.

Here, I burn bridges.

As I have gotten somewhat older, I have found that I am much less 'tolerant'. Some of this is generic old-person crankiness and resistance to change, to be sure, and another portion is a result of having absorbed much knowledge and reading and considering a great many things Trivial. I belive the third portion is due to a mile-wide streak of "Fuck the Man", which I was instilled with at a young age.

Bearing that in mind, I feel the Urge on Occasion to piss in things other people put on a pedestal.

So, today's post: Jesus of Nazareth, kind of an Asshole.

The passage in question is about Lazarus, homeboy of Jesus, and his ressurection.
The link is above, for those who would like to check my sources.
Initially, Jesus gets a message that his friend Lazarus is ill, and needs help. Jesus' response is "Fuck it.". More specifically, the Lord did not wish to interrupt his bender to go see his friend on his deathbed. The disciples encourage Jesus to join Laz and his family that they might "die" and comfort the family. After two (2) days, Jesus gets on his ass and goes to see Laz. Who is, at this point, dead. For four (4) days.
Bronze-age communications technology being what it was, He can be Forgiven for two (2) of those days.
Jesus greets the grieving family of Laz and tells them that Laz is just fine. Martha (in my mind, rightfully) calls Jesus a dick, and says that if He had been there, Laz would not have died. Jesus dares her to disbelive His divinity, saying her brother will rise/live again.

Mary, at this point, berates Jesus for his laziness and also tells him that if he had been there her brother would not have died.

Now, Jesus says "I got this." and raises Laz from the dead. During the passages that describe this incredibly dickish action, we get the shortest passage in the bible: "Jesus wept".
Because he was a lazy asshole, and got called on it.
Bear with me.

Jesus just raised Lazarus from the dead. His family has already stated that they admit that Jesus is the son of God. So. Everyone in the scene has to deal with the following Unfortunate Implications.
1) Jesus chilled for two (2) days rather than help out his homeboy.
2) We must assume that Laz is a Righteous Dude, as his family knows J.C. and he was raised from the dead.
3) Knowing and believing that Jesus is the Son of God, these two women had to mourn for their brother for four (4) days after he died, and deal with Jesus taking two (2) days to dick around before showing his face.
4) Laz was in Heaven. In the Presence and Glory of God, experiencing the Ultimate Reward for a live lived well. And then Jesus tormented his family and brought him back to Earth into a rotting body that was mentioned as being smellier than a hobo's ballsack (John 11:39).

Or, as I like to put it: "Surprise, your zombie brother is alive again, headed back to the bar, fuck ya'll!"

Quick update on electric cars and power outages

So, Rush Limbaugh is obviously an ignorant bastard, but I try to lay off harassing radio personalities, as saying shit in a public forum for several hours a day for years will give anyone a statistically significant chance to say something dumb.

And then that fucker did this.
Points of Note:
1) I drive a fucking Prius. It is awesome.
2) I do not have to plug my car into an outlet. Because that would be stupid.
3) I generally don't bother with using the air conditioning in my car, but when I do, it chills down in under a minute.

So, I have an "electric car" and it's fucking fantastic. Suck it Limbaugh, you silly bastard.

More of the same

Another post from my undisclosed location, working my way through several locally made beverages and my intense loathing of about 53% of the voting populace of this state. So, sure. Why the fuck not? A couple more years of stupidity, greed, & fucking over teachers, hosted by the 2009, 2011 and 2012 winner of the "Most Punchable Face In American Politics" award, Scott Walker. Watching this bastard keep his seat because a bunch of out of state assholes exploited the campaign finance rules is about as enjoyable as chewing glass. For some numbers, let's check the finance report: "Walker had raised $30.5 million, with about two-thirds of that total coming from donors outside Wisconsin. Barrett had raised roughly $4 million, with about one-fourth coming from outside the state. [...] the disparity can be explained by the fact that Walker, as a sitting governor facing recall, is not subject to the state's legal limits on campaign contributions under Wisconsin law. Barrett, by contrast, was legally barred from accepting contributions in excess of $10,000 per person."
The leftover cash going to his legal defense fund. Of Course. For those too lazy to click the link: “Virtually every single person that has participated in his public life for the past 20 years is implicated in this thing, and at its rotten core is Scott Walker,” Zielinski told Salon. “Virtually every crime that has been committed or alleged has been done for the benefit of Scott Walker.” Already hearing reports that the election was fucked with on a grand scale, and not surprised: "Taylor wrote that one group or individual is informing citizens "that they need not vote today as they have already accomplished their work." She also cites a group or individual calling from a telephone number with a Wisconsin area code that has "indicated to citizens that the recall election is on Wednesday." [...]
"Both of these assertions are blatantly false and constitute the commission of an election-related crime," Taylor wrote.
The Walker campaign on Tuesday denied accusations that it was behind any misleading robocalls, although it did not dispute their existence."
Checking in with local voters has already verified that bank account & routing numbers were being required in addition to valid identification to vote at some locations, this is just more of the same. Criminal Thugs & anti-intellecutals run rampant. Bad Mojo ahead.

A Measured and Rational Response to the recent Recall Election in Wisconsin

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU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