1) Google, stop being a bitch about the browser I use. You have millions of dollars and many developers. I have a preference for a much better browser than Chrome. Live with it, and stop throwing up passive aggressive warnings. Everything works well enough in Opera. I am not a moron, and can deal with the things that do not do so out of the box.
2) I was going to write something up on Brendan Eich & Mozilla during that short lived shitstorm, but I am lazy and didn't get around to it. Suffice it to say that the dude supports some ignorant bullshit, and I am completely OK with people shitting on FireFox once he got the top spot at Mozilla.
Seriously. If the story had come out that Eich was against miscegenation, he would have been shown the door immediately. It's not OK to hate gay people. It is not OK to throw money at campaigns to deny them the same rights as other people. When you get caught doing stuff like this, then you really do deserve an awful response from the public.
3) Mozilla doubles down on stupid fucking ideas! Every time I see something pop up about Rust, I get a tiny hit of sweet, sweet schadenfreude. Write code is hard. Working on a large scale project is also hard.
Throwing away years of bug fixes is fantastically stupid. Not learning your god damned lessons the first time around is borderline retarded. There's a reason that Joel article is titled "Things you should never do". For a quick example, do this exercise: list all of the 1.0 versions of software that were awesome, bug free, and worked well out of the box.
I will helpfully provide the answer: that number is zero. More galling is the fact that those goofballs managed to lose the last browser war by doing this exact same thing. And now, they're going to use a new language to rewrite a chunk (or all) of their browser? Jesus christ.
4) Moar bitcoin suicides plz. People hanging themselves over fake internets money puts the biggest smile on my face.
Sunday, May 4, 2014
Monday, April 28, 2014
I can't even get served at Taco Bell with this mask on!
I have been a Deadpool fan for a very, very long time. This is not news. I had original copies of the Circle Chase and the 4-part series with Siryn, Black Tom and Juggernaut. I literally danced when Chris Hastings got tapped to write for the series. Deadpool, for me, was one of the D-list characters I like so much in the Marvel universe, and seeing the surge of popularity around the character in the last decade was awesome.
When the movie died the last time, I was . . . not pleased.
Fox / Marvel, do not fuck with me about this one. I have been lied to before.
Are we getting a for reals Deadpool movie this time? If so:
When the movie died the last time, I was . . . not pleased.
Fox / Marvel, do not fuck with me about this one. I have been lied to before.
Are we getting a for reals Deadpool movie this time? If so:
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Adventures in product land
Part of my job is doing market research, and keeping up on developments in technology. A lot of that means reading dumb shit people have written about tech.
This delightful piece sets out to debunk a few common "myths" about technology, development, blah blah blah. Which is fine, as a concept.
Unfortunately, like goddamned near every article on software written by someone who don't know shit about development, it quickly goes off the rails.
"Myth" 1: The myth of the 10x software engineer. The article argues against "the claim of “10-fold differences in productivity and quality between different programmers with the same levels of experience."
This is a myth? Horseshit. There is absolutely this level of difference between someone who knows what the fuck they're doing and regular jackoffs. I have worked with people who did fantastically shitty work, to the point that everything they touched for weeks had to be thrown out rather than finished by someone competent. On occasion, I have been that jackoff, when fiddling around with a very poorly understood system.
Can code reviews and better methodology help with this? Absolutely.
Who is going to have to spend time mentoring the underperformers? The 10x developer who would otherwise being squashing bugs or gluing together a new feature. Now the codebase isn't getting shit all over it, but new stuff is happening at a much slower rate.
Being able to solve a problem, correctly, and implement that solution in a bug-free manner will save at least 10x the time as having a half-assed "solution" that doesn't work or takes another 3 weeks to debug.
"Myth" 2: "the “exponential defect cost curve,” that is: the claim that if it costs $1 to fix a bug during requirements, it will cost ten times as much to fix it in coding, a hundred times in testing, a thousand times if the software reaches production"
Jesus fuck. This entire concept is why we leave comments in the goddamned code. Shit you fix up front, when the code is fresh in your mind, is a thousand fucking times easier than trying to re-work what's going on in detail several weeks or months later. Every time you go back into the code to fix a sufficiently complicated widget, you run the risk of introducing new bugs. Also, you will piss off your customers if these bugs make it to production. That means they stop being your customers. That means you get to look for a new fucking job, you stupid bastard.
Unclear requirements lead to shitty decisions made that will influence future development. If things are fucked from the get-go, it is an order of magnitude more difficult to fix them later since you have to either
a) re-write everything
or
b) write the fix around the existing bullshit without breaking anything else
The hippies will lie and tell you that everyone is magical and special and equal at writing code. They are fucking liars. This is why Geocities sites looked like shit, and professional stuff does not.
Clearly defining what needs to be done before you get halfway through it saves an unbelievable amount of time. This is why you don't build half of a fucking house before you have blueprints for the other half.
This delightful piece sets out to debunk a few common "myths" about technology, development, blah blah blah. Which is fine, as a concept.
Unfortunately, like goddamned near every article on software written by someone who don't know shit about development, it quickly goes off the rails.
"Myth" 1: The myth of the 10x software engineer. The article argues against "the claim of “10-fold differences in productivity and quality between different programmers with the same levels of experience."
This is a myth? Horseshit. There is absolutely this level of difference between someone who knows what the fuck they're doing and regular jackoffs. I have worked with people who did fantastically shitty work, to the point that everything they touched for weeks had to be thrown out rather than finished by someone competent. On occasion, I have been that jackoff, when fiddling around with a very poorly understood system.
Can code reviews and better methodology help with this? Absolutely.
Who is going to have to spend time mentoring the underperformers? The 10x developer who would otherwise being squashing bugs or gluing together a new feature. Now the codebase isn't getting shit all over it, but new stuff is happening at a much slower rate.
Being able to solve a problem, correctly, and implement that solution in a bug-free manner will save at least 10x the time as having a half-assed "solution" that doesn't work or takes another 3 weeks to debug.
"Myth" 2: "the “exponential defect cost curve,” that is: the claim that if it costs $1 to fix a bug during requirements, it will cost ten times as much to fix it in coding, a hundred times in testing, a thousand times if the software reaches production"
Jesus fuck. This entire concept is why we leave comments in the goddamned code. Shit you fix up front, when the code is fresh in your mind, is a thousand fucking times easier than trying to re-work what's going on in detail several weeks or months later. Every time you go back into the code to fix a sufficiently complicated widget, you run the risk of introducing new bugs. Also, you will piss off your customers if these bugs make it to production. That means they stop being your customers. That means you get to look for a new fucking job, you stupid bastard.
Unclear requirements lead to shitty decisions made that will influence future development. If things are fucked from the get-go, it is an order of magnitude more difficult to fix them later since you have to either
a) re-write everything
or
b) write the fix around the existing bullshit without breaking anything else
The hippies will lie and tell you that everyone is magical and special and equal at writing code. They are fucking liars. This is why Geocities sites looked like shit, and professional stuff does not.
Clearly defining what needs to be done before you get halfway through it saves an unbelievable amount of time. This is why you don't build half of a fucking house before you have blueprints for the other half.
Sunday, December 1, 2013
How to fuck up your UI in one easy step
No, this is not going to be about the questionable utility of Yet Another Fuck A Stranger App.
Step 1: Build the app.
Step 2: Admit in public that you have no idea how users would . . . well . . . use it. Or what they would use it for. If you find yourself suggesting that additional applications are probably necessary to get anything done with your app, throw the fucking thing out and start over.
I know innovation is hard and all, but goddammit, if I had to fire up emacs on the side to get shit done with Visual Studio, I would Not Use Visual Studio. Designing the layout for the user interface on an application is hard enough when you have a clear vision of what the thing is good for. If it's such an amorphous mess or you haven't talked to your (potential) users to find out what they really like, then you are probably going to fuck things up terribly. Looking at you, Mozilla.
Now, I don't think that the Gmail UI is the best thing ever, but Google does try to get this stuff right.
You're using an email application? Great! Notice that the 'compose' button is the big red one? That is not an accident. All the individual messages on the right? Of course you can click those to read the whole thing. Google wants to plug their silly-ass Google Plus nonsense - there's a little link for 'Circles' on the left under all the other folders.
Now, if Google had no idea what the hell people were going to be doing with Gmail, I will guarantee that those buttons would not be in the same place, or even present on the main Gmail screen. And imagine how much of a pain in the ass a mail app would be with no compose / new message button front and center. This is the kind of crap that gets overlooked when you don't know what the fuck people are going to do with your shiny new program|service|whatever. Congratulations! You just wasted a bunch of development time to piss off your userbase and have to spend time 'fixing' the stuff you should have been paying attention to from the beginning!
Without letting this turn into a 50-page manifesto: You can't know everything that users are going to want to do with your program, but you should have a really, really good idea about the core functionality and make that easy to use.
Step 1: Build the app.
Step 2: Admit in public that you have no idea how users would . . . well . . . use it. Or what they would use it for. If you find yourself suggesting that additional applications are probably necessary to get anything done with your app, throw the fucking thing out and start over.
I know innovation is hard and all, but goddammit, if I had to fire up emacs on the side to get shit done with Visual Studio, I would Not Use Visual Studio. Designing the layout for the user interface on an application is hard enough when you have a clear vision of what the thing is good for. If it's such an amorphous mess or you haven't talked to your (potential) users to find out what they really like, then you are probably going to fuck things up terribly. Looking at you, Mozilla.
You're using an email application? Great! Notice that the 'compose' button is the big red one? That is not an accident. All the individual messages on the right? Of course you can click those to read the whole thing. Google wants to plug their silly-ass Google Plus nonsense - there's a little link for 'Circles' on the left under all the other folders.
Now, if Google had no idea what the hell people were going to be doing with Gmail, I will guarantee that those buttons would not be in the same place, or even present on the main Gmail screen. And imagine how much of a pain in the ass a mail app would be with no compose / new message button front and center. This is the kind of crap that gets overlooked when you don't know what the fuck people are going to do with your shiny new program|service|whatever. Congratulations! You just wasted a bunch of development time to piss off your userbase and have to spend time 'fixing' the stuff you should have been paying attention to from the beginning!
Without letting this turn into a 50-page manifesto: You can't know everything that users are going to want to do with your program, but you should have a really, really good idea about the core functionality and make that easy to use.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Thanks Obama!
From: $Executive
Sent: Tuesday, November 05, 2013
To: *Everyone
Cc: *Board
Subject: Breaking News Regarding Health Insurance Benefits!
As each and every one of you is already aware, as you have more than likely felt its effects, health insurance costs have risen dramatically for years now, and they are expected to continue to increase. Additionally, with the rollout of Obamacare, each and every one of us will be asked to help support the costs of the underinsured and uninsured.
It is with these facts in mind that I am excited to announce that we just completed the renewal of our insurance benefits program for 2014. Under the 2014 program, you will continue to receive essentially the same benefits as you have in the past. Furthermore, despite the continued rise in health care costs, we were able to keep premiums in check for 2014, with minimal increases in biweekly premiums, on average, of only $4!
>Human Resources will be providing you with additional details about the plan and open enrollment period over the next week. In the meantime do not hesitate to contact HR or myself with any questions.
Sincerely, $Executive
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So glad you shut down the government over this one, guys! Seriously, $8 a month? This is the huge fucking cost increase I've heard talk radio assholes and right-wing douchebags screeching about? I know radio is dead as hell, so maybe Rush, Bill and company aren't making much scratch these days, but I make $8 in like 30 seconds at my job.
Anyone still bitching about a cost increase is an idiot, or doesn't make shit. Fuck them.
Anyone who won't kick up $8 to help another American who needs a hand is an asshole. Fuck them bloody and spit in their face.
*Full disclosure: I've had pretty good insurance through workplaces for about 7 years now, and I've used it a grand total of one (1) time. I'm already subsidizing other people's health care. THAT IS HOW INSURANCE WORKS.
Sent: Tuesday, November 05, 2013
To: *Everyone
Cc: *Board
Subject: Breaking News Regarding Health Insurance Benefits!
As each and every one of you is already aware, as you have more than likely felt its effects, health insurance costs have risen dramatically for years now, and they are expected to continue to increase. Additionally, with the rollout of Obamacare, each and every one of us will be asked to help support the costs of the underinsured and uninsured.
It is with these facts in mind that I am excited to announce that we just completed the renewal of our insurance benefits program for 2014. Under the 2014 program, you will continue to receive essentially the same benefits as you have in the past. Furthermore, despite the continued rise in health care costs, we were able to keep premiums in check for 2014, with minimal increases in biweekly premiums, on average, of only $4!
>Human Resources will be providing you with additional details about the plan and open enrollment period over the next week. In the meantime do not hesitate to contact HR or myself with any questions.
Sincerely, $Executive
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So glad you shut down the government over this one, guys! Seriously, $8 a month? This is the huge fucking cost increase I've heard talk radio assholes and right-wing douchebags screeching about? I know radio is dead as hell, so maybe Rush, Bill and company aren't making much scratch these days, but I make $8 in like 30 seconds at my job.
Anyone still bitching about a cost increase is an idiot, or doesn't make shit. Fuck them.
Anyone who won't kick up $8 to help another American who needs a hand is an asshole. Fuck them bloody and spit in their face.
*Full disclosure: I've had pretty good insurance through workplaces for about 7 years now, and I've used it a grand total of one (1) time. I'm already subsidizing other people's health care. THAT IS HOW INSURANCE WORKS.
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Like Christmas in October
So, they went through with it. Obstructionist cocksuckers have once again, shut down the government. Because this went so well Last Time. All I can do is laugh, for a variety of reasons.
First, this is obviously retarded behavior. Most people think this strategy blows.
Second, I like it when bad stuff happens to ignorant jackasses, and the Venn diagram of that group &
Republicans has a pretty large overlap. Not to say there isn't also an overlap of Democrats and Jackasses, but they are somewhat less likely to get busted doing something they spend thousands of hours and dollars decrying. (c.f. / Google Vitter, Thurmond, DeLay, Foley, Hopper, Sessions, Ashburn, Duvall, Stanley, Sanford, Ensign, Berlin, Fossella, McKee, Thompson, Allen, Craig . . .) Fun fact, one of the main groups that would be helped tremendously by Obamacare? Also highly-likely to be fucked over by a shutdown? Guess.
In the event that you're link-averse, it's the Tea Party's main demographic.
Third, and this is really the most important one to me. A couple of people I am very close to are active service members. We don't agree about everything. And now? They're not getting paid. The opportunity to mock decorated special forces trained service members for being merely "volunteers" instead of getting a real paying job like any other hardworking American? Priceless.
On a more serious note, this obviously does suck a lot for reservists and college kids who recently joined up. They don't have a lot of spare coin laying around, buy 'em a beer or a meal or something until this blows over.
First, this is obviously retarded behavior. Most people think this strategy blows.
Second, I like it when bad stuff happens to ignorant jackasses, and the Venn diagram of that group &
Republicans has a pretty large overlap. Not to say there isn't also an overlap of Democrats and Jackasses, but they are somewhat less likely to get busted doing something they spend thousands of hours and dollars decrying. (c.f. / Google Vitter, Thurmond, DeLay, Foley, Hopper, Sessions, Ashburn, Duvall, Stanley, Sanford, Ensign, Berlin, Fossella, McKee, Thompson, Allen, Craig . . .) Fun fact, one of the main groups that would be helped tremendously by Obamacare? Also highly-likely to be fucked over by a shutdown? Guess.
In the event that you're link-averse, it's the Tea Party's main demographic.
Third, and this is really the most important one to me. A couple of people I am very close to are active service members. We don't agree about everything. And now? They're not getting paid. The opportunity to mock decorated special forces trained service members for being merely "volunteers" instead of getting a real paying job like any other hardworking American? Priceless.
On a more serious note, this obviously does suck a lot for reservists and college kids who recently joined up. They don't have a lot of spare coin laying around, buy 'em a beer or a meal or something until this blows over.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Carl Panzram's magical mystery tour
Normally, when playing a videogame with a well-established 'plot', my usual defense mechanism is to play the first 15 minutes or so, make up what the game is actually about, turn off the sound, ignore all dialog prompts and run with that mindset as far as I can.
For some games, this works beautifully. Resident Evil 4? Actually the story of Leee-awwn S. Kennedy, rogue INS agent, using the power invested in him by Texas and the other 49, lesser states to evict all the Mexicans from Mexico.
Bioshock? Hobo-Thor goes on a rampage.
Silent Hill 2? Thanks to my girlfriend: Drunken James and his acid-fueled bender in Detroit.
But now I've started playing Bioshock: Infinite (yes yes, the only PC game I've played within a decade of its release date.) And . . . so far I'm not sure I need to do that. The story is all well and good, but so far it looks like I'm just a serial killer / terrorist / anti-christ figure on a particularly bad day. I started the game with a spree-killing at a festival, kidnapped a girl, murdered rather a lot of the local police, and then killed a military officer execution style for sassing me. The game seems to be backing me up here, since all I've seen so far is that Booker is more or less a regular drunken asshole who only agreed to the kidnapping to wipe out an old gambling debt. So, for the first time . . . I think I'm the bad guy.
And if the game is going to let me, I am going to kill every last NPC in this game with fire and steal their things. Because I have a claw-hand and really poor impulse control.
For some games, this works beautifully. Resident Evil 4? Actually the story of Leee-awwn S. Kennedy, rogue INS agent, using the power invested in him by Texas and the other 49, lesser states to evict all the Mexicans from Mexico.
Bioshock? Hobo-Thor goes on a rampage.
Silent Hill 2? Thanks to my girlfriend: Drunken James and his acid-fueled bender in Detroit.
But now I've started playing Bioshock: Infinite (yes yes, the only PC game I've played within a decade of its release date.) And . . . so far I'm not sure I need to do that. The story is all well and good, but so far it looks like I'm just a serial killer / terrorist / anti-christ figure on a particularly bad day. I started the game with a spree-killing at a festival, kidnapped a girl, murdered rather a lot of the local police, and then killed a military officer execution style for sassing me. The game seems to be backing me up here, since all I've seen so far is that Booker is more or less a regular drunken asshole who only agreed to the kidnapping to wipe out an old gambling debt. So, for the first time . . . I think I'm the bad guy.
And if the game is going to let me, I am going to kill every last NPC in this game with fire and steal their things. Because I have a claw-hand and really poor impulse control.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)